Sunday, August 30, 2009

Class of 2009

“Please honey, I need you there,” I whined to Mike, who was sporting a pained face at the mention of the word breastfeeding. “I talked to my girlfriends and they said that all the husbands attended,” I went on forcefully, making a mental note not to share I’d only asked three of them and of those, only two of their husbands had partaken in the nursing adventure…oh, and none of them had been to happy about it.

“All right, fine – I’ll go …but just for you,” he said reluctantly, then sulked toward the computer to see if indeed, the class description mentioned that Dads-to-be were required by some secret code to put up with yet another slightly uncomfortable part of the whole having a baby situation.

And so it came to be that, a whole three hours later, Team Choate became members of the class of 2009, graduating from both childbirth and nursing classes. Does it mean we’re prepared? No, but a slight improvement from where we were just a few weeks ago. More confident? Sure, in that looks good on the outside yet shaking in their boots on the inside kind of way. Scared? Definitely. Thrilled with anticipation? Most definitely. So here’s to knowing that education is power and in 3.5 weeks or less, we’ll see if any of it stuck! There is still that whole application to real life thing required…darn!

Class highlights:
• Poor Mike sniffling during the entire first childbirth class due to an allergy attack while students kept checking to make sure it wasn’t the video that was sending him into a tearful fit
• The look on Mike’s face when, without warning, the woman demonstrates how a Mom is required to deliver the placenta (the face cannot even be described in words, but the thought of “holy crap, ewwwww and wtf?” come to mind…
• Learning to always point the winkie down in the diaper or pay the consequences
• The baby models and the fact that Mike and I made them dance and created accents for them
• Experiencing how important it is that both Mom and Dad have a mint supply on hand for all those fun breathing activities, particularly when Doritos was the choice of snack during break
• Remembering to clean the circumcision area only with water and Vaseline and the umbilical cord with alcohol, taking specific caution not to mix the two – ouch!
• Swaddling – there’s just something entertaining about making a human into a burrito
• According to Mike, the look on my face when women were describing their minor pregnancy symptoms compared to hyperemesis (sorry, my empathy radar has lowered)
• Noting the crazy amount of boys being born this year! Of the nearly 20 or more in each of our classes, over 70% all said they were having little guys
• Mike accidentally more than whispering, “how degrading!” when the video woman that didn’t take an epidural uses her husband as a table in the middle of the hospital hallway
• The fake breasts looking and feeling very similar to Pound Puppies
• The amount of copious notes Megan took during the sessions (some things never change)
• The passing around of the forceps and the amount of shock and horror on women’s faces
• The filing and line forming of endless amounts of women for the powder room on class breaks
• The whispered fights about baby names when the lecture is getting a bit dull
• Watching pregnant women heave themselves off the ground after 10 minutes of meditation
• Snack choices among pregnant women during class after getting a 15-minute lecture on healthy eating (think Oreos, chips, Pop Tarts, etc.); you can almost hear them thinking, “what does our non-pregnant teacher know anyway???”
• Mike reading “get in Mom’s face” as one of the coaching tips and asking, “doesn’t this lead to more black eyes than helpfulness?” Note: Megan nods yes

So here’s to you Menorah Medical, for giving us an inkling of hope that we too can do this whole delivering and feeding of the baby thing so many people have told us horror stories about. And to the happy couples we met during class, may you enjoy every moment of bringing your little miracles into this world. Hats off to class of 2009!

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