Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Name Bandit


Megan: Perches comfortably in tub, singing tunes to her growing belly and calling it the secret code name. Works hard to shake off tough day with candlelight, warm bath water and a little R&B magic…
Mike: Approaches semi-cautiously: “Ummmm…can I talk to you for a second?”
Megan: “Of course honey,” she says kindly, anticipating a much-needed, cozy, marital heart-to- heart
Mike: “Wellll….ummmm…” using the “I could potentially be in trouble for what I’m going to say next” voice
Megan: “Spit it out already – I love you and am here for you no matter what.” Side note: cheating,domestic issues and other hot items exempt, but I digress b/c Mike’s a rock star anyway…
Mike: “It’s just that….”
Megan: “Go ahead,” she says. “How bad can it really be?”
Mike: “Okay.” Sighs uncomfortably and folds hands. “It’s just that…” he repeats...
Megan: “Yeeeesssss?”
Mike: “I don’t love the name X. It’s just not his name…it doesn’t flow.”
Megan: Eyes darken beyond interpretation. Dreams shatter into a million pieces. Visions of acronyms no longer dance in her head. Sinks lower into tub to avoid potentially lethal confrontation…
Mike: Backs away slowly….slower…slower….
Megan: “I’d move faster if I were you.”
Mike: “Bu….but…aren’t you glad I told you now, so we can pick a name we both love together?”
Megan: Again, no words. Just a blank, devilish stare…you know; the one like the Mom in the Cingular commercial uses when she is talking with her two kids about rollover minutes? The look that injects fear into the hearts of grown men and children that women have perfected for all of its genetic giftedness?
Mike: Now halfway around the corner uses the dog’s innocent face as a shield. “I love you,” he says softly and genuinely.
Megan: Blows bubbles into the now temperate water then quickly translates it into a silent, underwater scream.
Mike: officially disappears for the evening before retreating to bed two hours after silent, very pregnant woman who was once endearing wife has taken her Unisom and gone off to bed
Megan: Seeks revenge by dramatizing the story, telling all girlfriends who will listen and blogging for the world to see.
Mike: Still standing by his decision, but sleeping with one eye open.

RIP Name X. And don’t worry, it’s still on the list and Megan plans to bring it up during active labor. Who could argue with that???

3 comments:

GiGi said...

he's a thief!!
maybe he's having this weird "something's not right" feeling because you're having a girl.
HA!!! j/k
i agree with the whole meeting him ,and naming him option.
or the active labor manipulation thing.

kwise said...

LOVE IT!!! I feel his pain... and yours! It's SUCH a compromise!

kwise said...

LOVE IT!!! I feel his pain... and yours! It's SUCH a compromise!