Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Monday Momfessions - December 15 Week

1. New list topper for oddest place I've nursed: a dolphin show. You can't make this sh*t up.

2. Speaking of public nursing, after our flu-filled weekend in Atlanta, I tucked away in a "private" corner of our gate to do my thing, cover, baby and all. The hubs and oldest walk away to grab snacks, leaving me with five pieces of luggage and a baby attached to my chest. Seconds later, this area becomes VERY public as a very full flight unloads about 12 inches in front of me. Really?! Welcome to Atlanta folks...we support breastfeeding. Le sigh.

3. Despite forgetting to displace Shelfton the elf each morning, I appreciate the dude. Compliance and attitude have improve tenfold since his arrival on December 1 for the four year old. The advent calendar as bribery ain't a bad tool either. Jesus would be so ashamed.

4. During flu season, it seems necessary to up your small wastebasket count up to at least the number of people in your household, because when one is going down, you're all going down. And you're going to need wastebaskets. Damn you wrong strain flu shot.

5. Now taking applications for those that can teach four year olds how to blow their noise. The combo of white noise and insistent sniffles are not adding to our cumulative sleep average of what is right around five hours a night as parents.

6. Squeak is becoming highly mobile. Mommy is becoming highly scared. I hadn't even figured out how to have two children with one immobile yet. Where's the grace on this learning curve?!

7. If it were appropriate, I'd ask one of the physicists I work with how exactly of the anatomy of a blowout works and why it's frequency is around three times a day. Then I've invite him/her to create the magic stain remover for these instances and ask them to run PDSA cycles on how to get to one or two outfits a day. This momma is not into laundry.

8. Teething is the devil. Enough said.

9. If you're going to nod off in a car while your pre-schooler is working on number 242 of his 437 daily questions, it's helpful to have a partner. He or she can nudge you in the ribs to keep coming up with slightly practical answers, even if there is a 10-second delay due to exhaustion. The pre-schooler doesn't notice as he is on to the next question and you got to close your eyes for five seconds. Everyone wins.

10. When determining who you will give your children to in your will, it's good to put the said couple through a test run. And try to give them the worst version of your family possible. Hey you who knows who you are: you passed.

What's new with you Momma - getting ready for this thing called Christmas?

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