Thursday, November 15, 2012

Dog Gone Mad

"Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly, but some days I just want to throw open that screen and let her wander out to another loving family," I said with exhaustion in my voice, clutching my stomach, balancing a tray of cheese and apples and dragging a pre-schooler with the opposite leg.

We watched as our six-year-old Golden stared longingly at her food bowl from across the wood floors, her salivating mouth indicated she wanted it more than anything, but her shaking limbs telling a different story.  She stood near an invisible line she created, never to be crossed, for the fear of what I'm unsure, but it's definitely bad because that dog doesn't pass up morsels of anything. Like, ever. (note T. Swift reference here.) Her hair wild, her eyes intense and a low groaning whine constantly stuck in her throat, Miss Ellie was in serious need of some doggie Zanax. Too bad all we have is Benadryl in the house. Maybe the Epi Pen would work. Or one of those Unisoms...

It's been nearly a month since her entrance into lunacy, our efforts to switch food bowls, change the location of her dining spot or moving the spooky, evil trash can and nothing has worked. Suddenly her water possesses that of a zombie fit to audition on the "Walking Dead" and her food bowl so full of fear it must be that abyss the main character on "666" slipped into last week. I mean, the hound even left ham...straight up deli her bowl she was so nervous to cross the threshold.

She? Is a hot mess.

The only thing we can think of that may have caused her to slip into this downward spiral of anxiety is we added a leaf to our dining table in anticipation of girls' night, Thanksgiving and Christmas. And we all know how deadly table leaves can be...

I don't know just when the fear will pass but I do find myself oscillating between deep bouts of sympathy to complete intolerance of everyone but me, the crazy preggo lady, falling apart around me. Maybe this could be a good job for our fat, lazy cat Sully - it's about time he started developing others.

If you have any tips for this dog gone mad, pass 'em along. Because there's just not enough Zanax to go around this household right now and I can't drink wine.

So tips, please. Yes, tips. And don't try to blame that innocent face on the left and my growing belly for all this. Hmmmm....

No comments: