Committed

It was this picture that started it all:

The downward spiral into shame. Disbelief. Disappointment. And need.

For decades I’ve been meandering around in my happiness, focused on instant gratification and the emotional turmoil that comes with the basic human need of eating. A bag of Sour Patch Kids at 600 calories a pop meant nothing but a tough day at the office. Two Hersheys and a stack of licorice was a quick jaunt around the hallways for a mental break. A small cheese Minsky’s pizza was enjoyed in front of the TV after a fulfilling but exhausting day with my family. And any drive through was a Band-Aid on whatever feeling that was surging through veins. So although I have yet to go fully armored and head on into this battle, I have made a commitment.

A $600, three days per week, 8-person team commitment called TEAM at Lifetime Fitness. Plus a fourth date with Weight Watchers…this time between me and the PC vs. a bunch of strangers, a scale and the same lectures I just don’t have the stomach for these days. Wait, yes I do…did I mention the girl in the picture?!

It’s nearly week three (I missed the first week) and I’m down four pounds, up in energy and feeling that sense of addiction and self-focus that comes with what I imagine others call “taking care of themselves.” This contrary to how I’d been thinking I was doing myself some good with all the overs: overeating, overindulging, over-worrying, overthinking, overdoing, overanalyzing…you name it…I over.

And now, like so many years before, I’m overweight.

So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to stay committed. Try hard – real hard. Put my big girl panties on and deal with it. Suck it up. Huff and puff. Succumb to the accountability. Sacrifice time away from my family and friends. And likely despise most of it all.

But deep down – I think it will be worth it.

Because wouldn’t it be nice to have my physical presence match my spiritual one – healthy, happy, and outrageously blessed.

Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and a little Zumba in between.

So put me on your prayer list or whatever you got goin’ on, won’t you?

And I’ll stay committed if this doesn’t commit me first. I’ll keep you posted…