Sh*t the Price Chopper Lady Says

Scene: It’s 7:30 a.m. and I’m frantically searching the aisles for the perfect foods to bring to the day’s events, running late for work, nauseous and just suffered through a rough drop off at pre-school. Guilt’s high. Tolerance low. Perspective lost. The race is on. Then I proceed to checkout and greeted by a “friendly” cashier:

PC Lady: “So, when’s this baby due?”

Me: “April.” (with a polite smile)

PC Lady: contorts her face into a horrified, judgmental stare at my mid section. “Are you SURE there aren’t two or three in there? You’re huge already!”

Me: Not even stunned at the lack of social skills yet because hey, I work with adults all day long. “Yep – there’s just one in there.” Note the slight warning to DO NOT PROCEED FURTHER with any out of line comments at this time. Seriously – it’s not even 8 a.m. yet lady. PS: have you not learned what pg women are capable of yet? Or really, just females in general. We’re a wicked sort.

PC Lady: “Hmmmm – maybe it’s that choice of dress you’ve made for today.”

Me: Takes a rare moment to gather myself to avoid potentially losing it. Not my style, but starting to warrant that for PC Lady, it may be well deserved. Comebacks, though lame, start circling my thoughts as she was not the most svelte of ladies I’ve seen lately either. But gah knows I could never live with myself if the vernacular escaped my pie hole.

PC Lady: “You know, I have two grandsons….yada yada….they’re very active…yada yada…my granddaughter stays tiny chasing them….yada yada.”

Me: Swipes card. Stares blankly. Gather bags. Go through motions. Try not to reach palms across divider and place around her neck. Can’t anyway because my belly is too large as she’s kindly pointed out. As if I didn’t know.

PC Lady: “Have a nice day?”

Me: Under breath, “how can I?!” A weak “thank you.” Because I did mostly grow up in Omaha you know, and that’s how we roll.

Enter SUV and get riled up, making three phone calls to the hubs and friends who will understand. Ok, the husband not so much, but I knew he’d laugh, and that’s what I needed too. Tell a few gals at work and they have the perfect comebacks:

“Lady- you need a filter. They’re in aisle 8.”

“I’m pregnant. What’s your excuse?”

“You know, after this baby comes out, I’ll get closer to looking fit and healthy again. But you – you’ll just be the same. Think on that one!”

And a few more that I just can’t type here. This is a family blog, people. Though I love you for your support.

The more I share my story in jest at the tenacity of others, the more I hear this happens frequently to my pg friends. One of my favorite preggos was told at GAP (who was selling the maternity dress) she shouldn’t wear horizontal stripes because it’s not flatter for her growing figure. Another was told she had to be off from her due date because there’s no way she’d actually be that huge. Couple this with the constant judgments of if you’ll continue to work outside the home or not, what kind of daycare you go to, what faith you’ll raise them in, if you breastfeed or not, what you expect of your husband, etc. and it’s enough to make a gal’s head spin off her shoulders.

Um, rude. What is you people’s problem? Did your Mama teach you no manners? My MO is never to even bring it up, even if the Mom is practically birthing right there. Let her do it first, because you never know the situation. And these women are fragile and on the verge enough – they need to be celebrated with careful love, thoughtful attention and grace. Yowzer.

So ladies, knocked up or not, what are some of the crazy things others have said to you and how did you react? And what’s our plan for bringing kindness and social manners back to this place?

Cause gah knows we need some! That means you, PC Lady. That means you.

Love – the customer that’s not going through your line again…at least unprepared.