Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Monday Momfessions: Week of July 14

This week is for the BoyMoms out there:

1. We have a new carpool. It includes anywhere from 1-5 roly polys who make the trek from daycare to pre-school. I'm unsure of their names as their heads are always buried in my son's palm, but they are quiet and don't demand food, so I welcome them.

2. I laughed when my oldest stuck one of those long lighters between his legs and said: "Look Ma - a light up penis!" This is a) not the appropriate reaction as he WILL do it time when the neighborhood is over or our preschool parent friends who still might believe we're ok parents b) I was so tired that evening I was letting him use it as a sword (don't judge) c) it's likely still every man's dream to truly have a light up man part. I mean, they saw it in Magic Mike and just won't let it go...

3. By accidentally purchasing them similar toothbrushes, potential sharing could be occurring. Ew.

4. A friend of our Big's drew of picture of "Lawson's Mommy," the sketch featuring a set of "fat arms." Big L is still mad at him for it, all on his own, and this is why I love him. I get the feeling boys will almost always have their moms' backs. Or in this case, their fat arms.

5. The amount of nakey time is increasing around the household. I'm not sure if it's kosher to let a 4-year old sleep in the nude, but hey, it makes him happy. Also if we don't have guests over, why not at the dinner table once in awhile? Of note: please knock before dropping by the hours between 5-7 p.m.

6. There may be no limit to how many shoes or booties I have to endure the smell of on a daily basis. Gah help me. Also, I hear the bar chart on this only grows taller on the stickiness to frequency ratio. Today's instance after Keen removal: "Mommy - just SMELL it. I'll smell yours!" P.U.

7. Flirting with girls already exists. Those two have game. They are one and four. This week two classmates have confessed to me they are the Big's girlfriends. One has confirmed her marriage to him. Again, gah help me.

8. In the moment there was an ounce of silence in our home this week, the following occurred: a) a toddler had scaled a gate to the top of the stairs b) a preschooler was writing in permanent marker on a table c) a toddler was drinking out of the dog dish d) a preschooler was attempting to suffocate the toddler in a loving manner. In other words, silence is not golden if you have boys. Or maybe just small children in general.

9. If your husband once lovingly slaps your behind in the kitchen and it is spotted by a son, that too will soon magically become a love language of your boy. And it will be awkward.

10. Hitting, grunting, demanding, screaming, cold staring, arm crossing, boycotting and incessantly pointing all mean the same thing to boys. "Mommy - take care of it. And do it now."

And though there are slivers of moments when I'm at a friend's daughters dance recital, sitting at a salon where bitties are getting their toes done or weeping over that dang father/daughter date night thing on YouTube, I wouldn't trade my boys for the world.

They're my boys. And I'm their BoyMom. And they are the best things that's happened to me yet.

So, moms of boys, what odd things have you found in their pockets this week? Or have you been too busy at the ER?

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