You Know You're a Mom When...

Week of April 11

1. Your master bedroom becomes a land mine of toys, exercausers, pack n’ plays and dog bones, leading to a code red situation every time you have to wake to feed or check on the baby.
2. Your nights on the town for friends’ birthdays are cut short by the need to pump, relieve the sitter or you just want to get home and check/snuggle on the little one. No more shakin’ the tailfeather until 3 a.m. for this mamma.
3. While out on the town for this same birthday, you realize how much you’ve changed when you’re already making snap judgements in the back of your mind similar to: “I hope my son doesn’t marry a gal dressed like that hussy! Apparently I didn’t get the minidress memo.” Orrrrr, maybe it’s just sad that you can’t pull it off anymore. No, surely that’s not it…
4. You make a pact to not talk kiddos on dates with the hubby, only to find yourself now strained for conversation without covering agenda items of work or home. That only leaves gossip and, though fun, not nice.
5. You know you have 27 seconds before certain bacteria really seep into that toy your child has now dropped 10 times. That’s nearly 30 seconds. Not only can a Mom like you rescue that toy in that time, she can apply makeup, shave, pack a lunch and so much more.
6. You delight in the many amazing milestones. Even the shrieking, glorious, teradactyl type sound ones.
7. “Changing poopies” feels like it should be entered onto your resume.
8. You dance like Carlton to help avoid a potential meltdown.
9. You buy those Downy things that are intended for clothes that don’t really need to be washed with every wear and clean your clothes that really do need an actual wash. By the way, these are the same clothes you have already worn at least twice.
10. Your heart expands in a million places to accommodate the growing unconditional love, amazement and undying passionate you have for your little being.