Sunday, July 18, 2010

Counting Sheep (aka Logging Ridiculous Amounts of Facebook Hours)

If Facebook offered billable hours between the hours of 2:30 and 5:30 a.m., I’d be their highest-paid participator. Maybe they’d consider reimbursement in the form of Unisom pills or just a crack over the head at this point so I could get some sleep???

With the little man having just rounded the 10-month corner, so too have my hormones decided to rebirth themselves back to their state of affairs pre-pregnancy. With this comes unwarranted anxiety, sleepless nights, hot flashes, bitch gone wild moments and of course the crying while driving for no reason at all scenarios. Oh goody. I’m sure the passengers on Shawnee Mission Parkway think I’m perfectly stable, which is indicated by their intense stares then need to either pass me at 90 mph or hang way back lest I decide to ram their taillights…which, if you drive SMP in the a.m., you may have considered…

Here’s how the scene has been going down lately at casa de Choate:

11 p.m.: “Good night honey, I love you.” Says hubby, already going into snore mode and tucked into his “4” sleeping position, out for the count within 30 seconds.” Good night,” I reply, already jealous of his status.

11:45 p.m.: Replay day and anticipate workday tomorrow. Go over how much X group at work hates me. Kick myself for not calling X back. Fret over the food I’m offering my child. Hate on the house. Enter death spiral of negative thoughts…

12:35 a.m.: Consider doing sit-ups in bed as Sarah suggested. Instead launch into “I hate myself and how fat I am” mode. Stress more about work for no reason. Consider the shadow near baby gate at top of stairs is a ghost. Watch Sully and Ellie for signs of reaction.

2:10 a.m.: Slightly rejoice that somewhere in that death spiral of ridiculously ungrateful thoughts, I snuck some shut-eye in.

2:10 a.m.: Mike is still half-smiling and snoring. I consider waking him and alerting him to sleep with one eye open my jealousy has turned so green.

2:35 a.m.: give up and go into guest room to clean it. Look around. Give up. Walk to study and Facebook.

3:14 a.m.: Still on Facebook

4:05 a.m.: Is L stirring? Cause I miss him and would love to see him. No? Crap.

4:15 a.m.: Should try going back to bed. Have to get up soon for work.

5:03 a.m.: Back to Facebook.

You get the picture.

Evil hormones. I can only imagine what menopause is going to be like. Augh.

Meanwhile, I’m considering having myself committed. Or at least building some sort of fabulous meditation and yoga room off the house. Or becoming a genius or something. After all, I seem to have the time lately…

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