Thursday, January 26, 2012
Oh Sh*t, II
“Hold on Mom, I gotta check this text out – it might be from Mike,” I said as I rummaged through the disaster that is my purse, tossing aside diapers, loose change, water bottles, toy trucks and more (yes – it’s a big handbag). Responding to its insistent dings, I found the iPhone screen to read:
WELL, NO NAP TODAY BUT ON THE PLUS SIDE I DID GET TO CLEAN THE SH*T THAT HE PULLED OUT OF HIS DIAPER AND WIPED ALL OVER HIS ROOM.
Yep, it was my husband.
Torn between chuckling and being slightly alarmed, I respond:
Me: Waaaaaa? (as if I’m surprised a toddler splayed poo around his room at some point in his two-year old life).
Him: YEAH, IT WAS GREAT.
Me: I’ll help detox when I get home – sorry honey. Do you need me now? (Note: this was a test. There is no way in the relaxed one hour I had to myself in the past month I was going to go home and clean poo…I can do that any day. Wait, I do that every day.
Him: NO – I THINK THAT I ALREADY GOT IT ALL. IT WAS ON THE DOOR, HIS BED, LOVEY, WALL AND WHO KNOWS WHERE ELSE.
Feeling a bit guilty for missing this milestone event, I nabbed a few more things at Target, including a candy bar because surely I was going to need that to cope with the emotional disasters I was sure to be returning to at home. (Reflecting now, a chocolate bar was not the best choice.) A short drive later, tunes cranked up, I return to two boys still in shock from the whole thing. Little dude is feeling guilty and mortified about the happenings while the hubs is still lightly gagging in the corner.
Boys – clearly they don’t have enough experience with sh*t in their lives.
I enter little dude’s room to find it smelling mostly of Clorox and spot-free. As he reiterates the story over and over of how he just wanted the stuff out of his diaper and then wasn’t quite sure what to do once it got on his hands (he had reached into the back), I held him close and said: “Son – I love you and I’m not mad at all. Let’s just work to keep our poopies in our diaper or the toilet, ok bud?"
One squishy hug and a kiss later, I taught him one of life’s most important lessons:
“In life – sh*t happens. But you know what? We’ll love you anyway.”
A lesson we should all keep in mind as life passes us by.
Plus, it wasn't nearly as interesting as our first brush with sh*t.
Here’s hoping your week is sh*t-free!
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Oh lordy, I SO relate! Thanks for making my laugh outloud today. TGIF!!
Ugh - what is UP with boys and sh!t??? While I am sorry that you (sort of) had to deal with this, I am even MORE glad that it wasn't me. I've had my share of walking into the boys' bedroom to find poo on the sheets - luckily, they never had the urge to finger paint themselves with it.
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