Sunday, May 4, 2014

Monday Momfessions: May 5 Week

1. Nearly weekly I ponder why my arms are not more toned from the baby hefting contest I compete in daily. So far only back, neck and shoulder pain are the result of my "training."

2. I let my children eat dropped snacks off the floor. No seconds rule. No brushing off or blowing of particles. Just straight into the pie hole.

3. The wee one is on Omnicef, an antibiotic that makes for some red diapers. For the inexperienced and unfamiliar, this is my new favorite trick to not tell them about. Here's looking at you, brother in from Atlanta.

4. I get by daily (sometimes hourly) on the phrase "Deep breath. You're doing the best you can." This is not helpful when you forget formula twice in one week for the biggest milk fan of all time, requiring a 7 a.m. trip to Price Chopper, plus drop off and arrive to work for your meeting with the CEO sans snot on your suit. Oh, and no blankets for the cots or shoes for the feet.

5. To make our oldest feel more comforted about our division of school and work, we used to say "you're not going to miss out on anything fun - our works are BORING." This backfired completely when I spent a few hours with him at "Take Your Kid to Work Day" and on his 287th activity he looked around and said: "you're right - this place is BORING." Clearly we missed the mark here. It's now likely he'll end up not committing to the corporate track due to our brain washing.

6. Last week I had to call the pediatrician's office due to lack of competent husband reporting. His version of "I don't know - some kind of bacteria somewhere," really meant pink eye and an ear infection. Hence why I send him with a list of symptoms to the doctor and why the lady on the phone was so understanding as she reports this compliance rate is about 10% in the husband world.

7. At times with all the bodily functions, war games, wrestling, shouting and basketball bouncing that occurs in our home, I want to scoop up our female dog and make appointments for both of us to get our nails done. If there is anything I'm learning, it's we bitches have to stick together.

8. Baby weight conversations are smile and nodder chats for this girl because a) This wasn't baby weight - I was always about this big b) I wasn't super worried about it until you said something c) Girl - I'm just trying to get through each day, which generally requires emotional eating, lots of sitting at work, acrobats at home and ridiculous amounts of loving and nurturing for my littles. Mama ain't makin' "time for me," or hitting the gym or preparing clean food, my friends. I think you're superwoman for doing it and making it look effortless and  am in awe, envy and amazement of you, but I'm not there yet. So can I get a "Yay! You're a good momma!" once in awhile instead?! Please?!

9. I forgot about sibling rivalry. Now is the time I shall go back and apologize to my parentals. And brother, I suppose. Also, I'm nervous. Because at times it's not really ended. And my children are just beginning. So you know what that means...

10. The wee one uses his ginormous noggin as a weapon. And we let him. Hey, a kid's gotta find what works for him. It's kid bit kid world out there.

How are you, mama?

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