Monday, May 27, 2013

Monday Momfessions - May 27 Week

1. I've never seen my mother laugh as hard as she did when Squeak woke up screaming, I'm topless in Macy's (to assure you, in a dressing room) and suddenly it was like the fire sprinklers were going off, but this time delivering milk to put out the fire of hunger. I think she was rolling on the floor and her face was crimson. Maybe she really did think it was a drill...

2. A binkie saved my life (potentially a few others) this week. More to come. Seriously - like a bullet proof vest those things are. (PS: I'm apparently talking like Yoda b/c currently Little Dude is obsessed and secretly I think Squeak looks a tad like him).

3. . Weight Watchers becomes my new regimine again tomorrow, so tonight, we dine...apparently on a mexican meal fit for a linebacker. I may have also consumed what seemed like a nine-course meal at Rye last evening as well. DE-lectable. True, true you can eat whatever you want on WW, but not in the portions this lady of substance is used to - gah.

4. Not to bring up "the girls" AGAIN, but as previously mentioned I spend a ridiculous amount of time with them "hanging out," so I'm here to tell you from one nursing mama to another, it's hardly worth it to drink. I mean seriously, don't we have a close enough relationship with our pump? No need to get more intimate. And counting down the hours and having to ride the bitter train when your snoring husband won't wake for the ONE feeding he's responsible for in the month doesn't make for good times. I say go for a whole box of chocolates or something to cope as a temporary vice...then head back to the margaritas. Note: the glass of champagne and three beers I've consumed in the past two weeks were quite tasty though...

5. On a related note: Dear LOFT lady, Nordy designer, DVF or SOMEONE -  please, please design a decent nursing bra under $50. I will buy 10. Please. And thanks.

6. I officially feel on the postpartum downhill slide aesthetics wise: frumpy, fat and nothing fits with two weeks still to go on sign off for anything more vigorous than walking. Swimsuit season? Ha! Try tarp season...

7. I'm completely intrigued by chiropractics and the moms who do it and particularly those that have their newborns and kiddos adjusted - it sounds life changing but also scary town. But a cure for colic and these headaches? I'll take it! Message me your experiences!

8. For the past four weeks plus, we've had one to three visitors daily. This week marks the end of the uber flow of meals and drive bys (though we still welcome a few amazing friends) and I have to admit, I'm a bit terrified. I was already the furthest thing from a domestic diva and spot on with a social butterfly. THIS transition should be interesting. Look for my email requesting plans, likely to restaurants and happy hours, to arrive by midnight in your inbox.

9. I sobbed with understanding when Christina from the show "Parenthood" sat forlorn and defeated in her beautiful red dress as she leaked breast milk at a social function. Can we say #milkmommaproblems?

10. I secretly want a push present that fits on my right hand and contains diamonds and sapphires. At half my salary currently and daycare costs on a more than 50% increase? This doesn't seem like a good idea at all. Potential grounds for divorce even. But I tell you, the desire is still there.

11. Perhaps one of the greatest dates I've been on was with my three-year old son this evening. Handsome, adorable, charming, charismatic, a good eater, great conversationalist and compliant. He didn't pay, but I stills say he's a great candidate for

12. This is terrible. Terrible I tell you, but I'll share it anyone: the hubs finally hit rock bottom this week on this whole managing two kids thing. I left him alone with just Squeak for 90 mins and received two picture messages and a text. There may have been a lot of crying, perhaps from both of them. Regardless, he now seems to have a newfound respect for my current role and I received some flowers. Note to self: run more 90-minute errands. Try leaving both kids next time and perhaps the push present will be yours.

13. It makes me slightly nervous that all parties that babysit for us now require two people to get through an evening. Guess we better get to booking early and leaving better tips. Or at least ice in the freezer. Or something for them to snack on. Gah we're terrible people.

14. What's the true story on leaving your baby in a bassinet in your room for X amount of time? How long did you choose to do so and why? I'm not ready to tell you why I'm asking. That would just be selfish...

What's on your mind this week, Mama?

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